one of my past writings, this one is from may 2007.
does getting married, or simply being in a relationship for that matter; mark the end of freedom? does the sacred union of 2 human beings really bring you closer to hell?
the irony of marriage. probably the biggest event in one’s life which is most anticipated and dreaded all at once!
is it just due to our very poor mindset about marriage? how is it some couples live in bliss after marriage while some can’t help but start tearing at each other’s hair once they cohabit?
WHY DO PEOPLE’S ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE OTHER CHANGE OVERNIGHT?
for god’s sake, do things change that much after you say I DO? apart from taking on someone else’s surname, or guys, having someone take on your surname, and having to address another pair of parents, the two people who have just made a commitment to each other did not just undergo any drastic change overnight, did they?
so it might take a lil getting used to waking up with someone beside you, but surely, in this day and century, it wouldn’t be that awkward? if you know what i mean, i shan’t state the obvious.
surely, you’d have known this person well enough, which is why you’ve agreed to spend the rest of your life with him/her? OTHERWISE, why are you even married?
no really, why?
Unconsciously (or not), we start picking at each other’s habits. we make a big fuss about our partner’s totally non existent sense of humour, or the toothpaste left uncapped, the tube being squeezed from the centre, the toilet seat not put down, the sink not dried, the newspaper left on the floor, the dishes left to soak in the sink.. i could go on forever, but you get the gist. is this really all part of life? did we not know this much about the person we chose to be life partners with?
the question here is,
what did you spend all the time prior to getting married/together doing? that’s what the entire “dating process” is about isn’t it? observing each other, understanding weaknesses, AND instead of making a big hoo-haa just becos he doesn’t have the habit of putting the cap back on the tube of toothpaste, why can’t you create a new habit of capping it back? think about it, will it really kill you to put the cap back on when he has left it to roll around the sink?
now, you would have heard of the saying : old habits die hard? he’s probably been like that all his life. BUT! did you know it takes only 30 days to form a new habit?
come on, you say you love each other, but you can’t spend just 5 seconds putting the cap back on? imagine how much more QUALITY TIME you can get together if you realise there is absolutely no point in picking at each others faults… now weigh this, you can spend 5 seconds every morning and night putting the toothpaste cap back on… no arguements… thats just 10 seconds in a day…
OR you could let it get to you, and get so annoyed you lash out with a 30 min lecture about how he wasn’t taught how to put the cap back on when he was younger, which might lead to another arguement as to how he was brought up and what “cleaning up after yourself” habits he has been instilled with, which will in turn lead to an even bigger argument concerning… your in laws?
OUCH. now if there’s one point you’re missing it would be this.. once you lash out, there’ll always be a scar, and it’ll forever be a sensitive issue between you two. all that becos you are unwilling to sacrifice 10 seconds of your time each day.. you’ll wake up unhappy, and go to bed with swollen eyes, you’ll lose your voice and still be sour the next morning… is it really worth it?
KISS AND MAKEUP is not going to do the trick.
it’s funny… but you’ll be amazed, some people can pick at their partner’s habit of clearing his throat before a phonecall. sure it might come across as “irritating” but apart from a few seconds of UNWANTED, NOISE, surely it’s not going to kill you? it only irritates you becos you allow it to. really, it isn’t very difficult to ignore it. we’re all capable of selective listening somehow.
21 going on 22, i’m still a long way off from settling down. but i’ve learnt so much from observing relationships since i was little. and the truth is, they aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be.
there are so many more important things in life to be done, there are more good times to be enjoyed. if only we realise, those very few minutes or seconds we bear with each day, is all it takes to reap the greater pleasures that life offers.
-jeanine
ps : if you want to copy this to your own blog for others to read, please do link back to me. thanks darls :)
